My dearest,

I’m still lost in this whirlwind of feelings. It all sounded like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I cried the first two days – hard, painfully. But I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel. I just cried.

It has been a week. All I can hear is nothing. Music can be on, TV may be on, but all I hear is your silence. This immense and unbearable loud silence.

Now I feel distress. This anguishing feeling of not knowing. Not being able to understand. To lay my head in the couch and to know what happened. What went wrong. And why I must go on, without you by my side.

I’m not sure how to deal with early mornings and when it’s really late at night. Those are the times it actually hit me. I cry and despair, I can’t make sense of my life or how I got here. Alone. Without you. Us.

At the beginning of this blog, the beginning of our relationship, I wrote you a letter. I was not sure we would last, never even crossed my mind that we would share so much love, laughter, trips and lazy Sunday mornings. But we did. For two years we did. And on that letter I wrote to you: wherever we are right now, I hope your heart remembers mine. How our beats synchronized when we were together. How my heart skipped a beat every time I got a msg from you. Or a call.

I hope your heart remembers mine, because mine will. My heart has only love for you, even if you chose to share your life with someone else. Even if you chose to move away and not take me with you. I love you to want you to be happy, anytime, anywhere.

I hope you are happy now. I hope you are sharing your smile with the world. Keep being this work driving guy, the one that shows people what love for your work and career really mean.

And thank you. Thank you for sharing those two years of your life with me. Thank you for every minute we spent together, every message you sent me. Every t-shirt you lent me and even let me call them mine. But, above all, thank you for showing me again that I can love and respect. And for showing me how much I love loving someone. You have bewitched me and now you had to break the spell. But all I can say to you is thank you.

Be happy, my dearest. I love you.

P.

 

(It has been over two weeks now, but I’ve finished this letter and now it is time to share it)

P.s: I always wanted to do this with your freckles. I don’t know why I never did it. I guess I was too busy being happy by your side.