I know I haven’t been as active as I said I would – but life has continued to surprise me, in many ways. And, sometimes, my head gets too distracted (and to be completely honest, I’ve been doing way too many videos on my Instagram, it became an addiction, I admit).
But, thank you to those who check my blog every other week and I hope I can keep up now (maybe writing here and sharing also on my videos, that may be a good idea!).
Nick has asked me to continue writing. Sonia has asked the same. So, here it is – a compilation of my last conversations with Nick, some of my weird videos on Instagram and so on. If you get bored, well, what can one do, right? Just remember: you don’t need to be in a place you don’t want to.
I have been really exploring how we must be responsible for everyone’s feelings. I know you may twist your lips and think: I cannot predict how someone will react to what I say or do. We really can’t. We can’t control nor predict anything – but we can be responsible on how we deal with the other person and how we deal with their feelings, in order to not increase nor inflict any unnecessary pain.
So, yeah. We gotta be responsible with someone else’s feelings – you may not want a relationship, so make it crystal clear. You may be feeling threatened at work because someone else got in – talk to them. Let them know why you are feeling uncomfortable. Why? Because we don’t know how people see us beforehand. We don’t know what tha hell they are going through – so we have to make all possible to not extend any unnecessary discomfort. I was talking about that because one of my friends went out with a guy, had a great time. And a day later, she saw him at a party and he acted like they were mere acquainted. They had a great time, not a promise of marriage. This could turn into other nights of fun (and I’m only talking about having fun, not committing to a lifelong relationship, for Christ’s sake!). But, irresponsible as we are, he didn’t care. Left her not understanding a flying fuck and that was it. You see why we gotta be responsible? Just like at work and I saw I was causing it – because it is natural to me to be more spontaneous and all and my colleague was miserable, thinking I want her spot (and trust me, this spot has never crossed my mind). We had to sit down, I had to explain: Hey, I have my own company, I have other clients. This is just another job to me.
And this made me rediscover a lot of things I used to love and got buried under the dust of everything that has happened in the past year (wow, even I can’t believe sometimes a year has gone by). Why do we allow life to get so busy and forget to do the things we enjoy the most? I got caught in this whirlwind of feelings and routine and crazy stuff and most things I loved doing the most I just buried under the rug and left it there. Like sending absolutely long audio messages to Nick while drunk. Or reading a lot more – especially about life and feelings and quantum physics. And my morning yoga. I’m looking at my reflection on the screen while I write this and I can see my double-chin staring back at me – not fun.
Finally, I made peace with my past. (And this part I wrote to Nick last week): I now know the kind of selfishness he lives on and how he actually see the world in a whole different dimension – everyone owes him something, always so entitled of everything. Everyone says that he will somehow pay, as karma is here for it. But he won’t – he won’t ever understand, don’t expect that. He needs a whole new existence to know and to be empathic. Life will never be able to make him pay anything because he is far too up in his own arse to see. So, I don’t expect anything. A blank page for the rest of our lives is good enough for me. As for me, I don’t know. I don’t see myself getting into a relationship again – but I’m quite happy allowing myself some fun every now and then. I’ll leave relationships for those who are good at it.
letters for us 