We have to talk about responsibility – with one another.  We have to own our shit and be extremely responsible with other human beings because, guess what? We are all on the same fucking boat.

You may be wondering: why is she talking about this? What does she actually want to talk about? If you also follow me on Instagram (and speaks Portuguese) you may have seen a series of videos I made about FOMO. If not, it all started after one of my dearests friends sent me a message saying she was morally hung over after she met with her latest fling at a party. And, today, something extremely aggressive happened to me and since I have this space here, it is time to talk about being responsible with our fellow humans.

We were raised in a society that gives power to men and diminish women, whilst we romanticize certain behaviors. So, we perpetuate this state of “normality” and we keep violating ourselves, our friends and family and other people. Women are fragile and need to be swoon over in order to give a man a perfect life. Men can lie and cheat and do all sorts of mischiefs because boys will always be boys. We say it is adorable when a man stalk a woman and hurt people around her because look: he made her breakfast. Or, we tend to shrug our shoulders when a man pretends to be lovely, shy and sweet, pretends he wants something with you, when in reality, he just want to have sex and move on with his life. Why?

I know in this extremely connected society we live right now give us this sense of urgency – to swipe left and right in record time because we cannot miss anything. And I also know FOMO has crossed every boundary and now is not only online – it is offline. We are so afraid of missing something that we no longer care how we treat one another. I’m talking not only about romantic relationships. But we are blinded on how we treat people and how we relate to them, how we dance to the music of society. We are always, constantly afraid of what is next that we can’t even be honest – to ourselves and to others. How can I spend time or even open up a little of my life when I may be missing something greater just around the corner? (newsflash, 99,99% of the time, this is wrong and there isn’t something greater there. It is just another mediocre encounter because, once again, you are not really there)

Honesty is key to everything. We can find new friends, have amazing flings, and have a great night – as long as everything is grounded on honesty. We seem to be doing a marathon and people are obstacles and we have to run and run and run – doesn’t matter if you fucked someone’s head, you are always on top of everything, who cares? That is why we HAVE to be responsible for someone’s feelings. Blocking someone, using them, pretending nothing has ever happened just indicates how fucking self-absorbed you are and how you have zero respect to their feelings. And how you can’t deal with real relationships and real human beings. We have to be responsible – with us and others. TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH. It doesn’t hurt – lying, on the other hand, HURTS A FUCK LOAD.

Why do we use this mask? Why we lie in order to get what we want? Its 2019 – people are independent, they can live their lives on their own, have fun, and pay their bills. Own what you really want and talk to people and actively LISTEN to them. Not to just reply immediately to what they are saying, but understand what they want to say, sink in into their thoughts and mind. Talk. Listen. Be real. Don’t be aggressive and go on blocking people because you can’t deal with your truth. Don’t go on ghosting people, hurting them, just because you feel you are entitled to anything. You are not.

Remember that. Be honest. Be nice. And have  great life.

 

I know you have been crawling around. And you are doing this for so long it seems like we were born together; sometimes it actually feels like we are the same. But this is the letter where I say goodbye to you.

Have you ever looked around yourself and thought: how on earth did I get here? Doesn’t people know I’m not that good? What am I doing? Do I know what I’m doing??

Trust me, at least 50 times a week I would ask myself that. Especially if anyone would complement me or say something nice about the fact that I’m self-taught in English or that I usually can fix any electronic device (I know shit about it, I just really like to fuss around until I somehow fix it). I never saw myself as good enough or, at least, not so bad. I always looked up to my friends and acquaintances and see all their great qualities, whilst I would only enumerate my flaws. Alas, writing is my passion (and I know I’m a bit rusty) and every time someone said they loved what I wrote, I felt my heart sinking, thinking: hey, hon, I’m really not that good. I know you are just saying that because you are nice.

Until…

Until 2018 hits me like a fucking train (freely citing Florence and The Machine). In so many ways. And I have to, from the bottom of my heart, thank that blogger who dragged my name on the mud. Thank you, lady. I hope you have taken all that anger out of your heart and we can move on with our lives. But, because of you, because you were the key factor to make me freeze and get into the biggest crisis of my life, I was able to go all the way down and come back. I couldn’t work properly any longer. I was at my favorite brand and I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. I hated everything and I believed it was, entirely, my fault: I was never good on the first place, obviously it would end up in shit eventually.

Yeah, that was not the reason.

I’m good and I have no problem in saying it. I don’t believe I’m better than anyone or it makes me feel like I’m the best cookie. No. I just know I’m good. Because the moment I left, the moment I let all that pain hit me, I could rise again, because so many people called me saying: can you work with me?

And then, this you already know: I went to Buenos Aires. And all those thousands of steps I took every day assured me: you are good to go, kiddo. Stop messing around; you know you can do it. Yes, Baires, I know I can. I just didn’t want to face what was wrong – it is SO much damn easier to blame someone or something else… But, you didn’t let me get away with it.

So, I stopped messing around. Got my shit together – got to go back to one of my favorite agencies and clients. Sometimes, you gotta accept that kick in your ass and jump.

(this pic is from my house in Montevideo. Boy, this house made me write)

So, hello again, everyone. And happy 2019.

I would like to start this letter stating this: I’ll try my very best to post once every week. I love writing and I miss it a lot. So I guess this is sort of a New Year’s Eve promise.

To the letter, shall we?

 

Hi, Buenos Aires. How are you feeling today? Hopefully extremely hot and with your so inviting blue sky.

I was very afraid of you – not you, exactly, but going to see you on my own. I would like to, first, tell you I was never afraid of traveling alone or being alone, for that matter. But I was really afraid to be visiting you, on my own, during my favorite time of the year. Yes, New Year is my favorite holiday – I don’t really know why, but it is. And, on a crazy moment decision, I decided to see you.

Thank you for showing me how wrong I was about you. I had this crazy idea about you, mostly because of Medianeras. And boy you proved me wrong. Every corner I turned, you took my breath away. Every single step I took, you showed me how overwhelming incredible you are. The houses. The streets. Museums. Your people. I didn’t know how lovely and open Argentinians were. They smiled at me every single time. I was so taken away by you, I forgot to take pictures – but I have every ounce of you writting in my head.

And what is up with you and all the beautiful places and plazas and monuments? And trees. And churches. And houses. And for being so lefty – one left heart here!

But, Buenos Aires, I have something else to say, and it has nothing to do with your greatness and beauty.

I felt at home. I felt like I was wanted there, every minute. And, because of that, you gave me so much food for thought. I walked every day. Music on, water in my hand, cigarette in the other. And you made me think – to face all my fears, my past, my present, my future. You made me look, upfront, everything that keeps me from being me.

You made me open up to new friends. You made me talk to people. To be free. You showed me I can trust and live. I was so afraid of you and you were so sweet, so open hearted. I love you, Buenos Aires, not just for your beauty, but because you helped me see myslef. Every day, walking so many kilometers, listening to your sounds, visiting your most known spots and discovering some hidden gems, you made me love myself. You made me look so deep I never dared before.

You were a surprise. The greatest of all times. I was so overwhelmed, every day, by you. This letter will never do you justice. Maybe because I’m still tired from coming back from the most incredible vacations I ever gave me. Maybe because I’m already a bit tipsy. But you, Buenos Aires, my love, you were my blessing from 2018 and the most amazing beginning for 2019. To you, all my love.